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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25902949">Higgs' Secret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dream_Seeker/pseuds/Dream_Seeker'>Dream_Seeker</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Stranding (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:36:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25902949</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dream_Seeker/pseuds/Dream_Seeker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Higgs Monaghan has held a secret deep inside him for his entire life.<br/>A simple Porter for some reason ends up on Higgs' radar and after spying on her for a good long time, he decides maybe - just maybe - his secret can be shared.</p><p> </p><p>(I suck at summaries sometimes)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Higgs Monaghan/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Higgs' Secret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Won't be much back story info. This was kinda a one-and-done thing, but anything Higgs is awesome.</p><p>Just go with the flow. I'm still working on getting Higgs' wording flow perfectly. Can hear him 100% in my head but it's not as easy to place it to text.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alyssa liked routine. She prided herself in being on time, knowing when and where things were to take place, and overall just having life under control - as best it could be for a Porter.</p><p>So now, as she found herself sitting in the back of some cave bereft of her clothing - save her undergarments - with her cargo stacked nicely against a wall by her captor, she could only keep an ever watchful eye on the man pacing back and forth in front of her. </p><p>Higgs Monaghan himself.</p><p>He suddenly stopped his pacing and grinned as he sauntered over to Alyssa and went down on one knee in front of her. As his eyes trailed over her body, he winked. "Verrrrry nice, darling. Very nice indeed. I woulda come got ya myself but I've been busy, SO those niiiice helpful MULES you ran into earlier helped me out. Got me the... goods... I told them to. Now!" Higgs held his arms out, 'I ain't here to hurt ya. Matter of fact, it's quite the opposite. See," he slipped his hood, cloak and upper clothing off as he spoke.  "I've been watching you for a lonnnnng time now and you're always alone. No one to talk with. No one to hold ya. No one to enjoy life with. No one to help... ease that built up stress. And I <em>know!</em>"</p><p>Keeping a wary eye on the man, Alyssa swallowed, but kept quiet. No need to do or say anything to set him off.</p><p>Higgs continued as he next removed his pants and boots, "I know how it is to be lonely, to be pent up - and how one's own touch," he wiggled a finger, "may get us off - but it's not the same, is it?"</p><p>He waited until Alyssa shook her head and answered, "No.  It's not the same, Higgs." </p><p>"Glad we agree, darlin. Now, I've noticed one major thing about you that I like verrry much and it's one of two reasons why you're here. Wanna take a guess?"</p><p>Her eyes darting toward the mouth of the cave, Alyssa found her voice and answered, "I... don't know..."</p><p>"That's fine, doll. I'll tell ya. You never - ever - break confidentiality no matter who it is. Which means I can definitely trust you to keep <em>everything </em>that happens between us between you and me. Everything said, done, shown.... Private. Believe me, darlin, " Higgs chuckled," this secret I have, no one knows it but me, so if <em>anyone </em>finds out after I.... share it with you, I'll know you ran your mouth and you'll be in a worrrld of hurt. But you're not like that!" He grinned, "It'll be reallll safe with you. The second reason you're here is because you're verrry nice on the eyes and, quite frankly, you need your rocks off, I need my rocks off, so... Here we are."</p><p>".... here we are... " Alyssa replied, having given up the fleeting thought of getting away. </p><p>When Higgs slipped his gloves off, he caressed Alyssa's cheek before raising his hand to his mask. "Watch. Don't look away."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>When Higgs removed his mask, Alyssa could only stare before shaking herself out of it. "Oh... My... God..."  She breathed out.</p><p>"I don't show my face to many others. Never really <em>liked</em> my face, after all." Higgs murmured, his eyes never leaving the woman's face. </p><p>"Oh <em>do </em>fuck off, Higgs!" Alyssa whispered.  The man glared until she added, "You're mind-blowingly gorgeous... My <em>God... </em>If I'd known you were <em>this </em>much of an eye candy, I woulda followed you everywhere, just in hopes of getting a glimpse." Her voice trailed off and she looked horrified at her admittance, but when Higgs moved closer and cradled her face in his hands, she relaxed some. </p><p>"Welllll, since we both feel the same, darlin, how about we give each other a helping hand, hmm? Nobodies gotta know but us. Nobody <em>better</em> know but us."</p><p>"No one but us, Higgs." She agreed and Higgs pulled her in close for a kiss that made her pretty out of breath. When he slipped the rest of her undergarments off, he let his lips have free range over her entire body, taking his time as if they had eternity to do it in. </p><p>Higgs more than definitely sated Alyssa's needs as she did for him and, from that day on, whenever they could find time to slip away to be together, they were.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"Yanno, you won't believe this, darlin, but before you I'd never been with anyone. Except for a few hugs and kisses when I was younger. Never could trust anyone." </p><p>Higgs and Alyssa were sitting on his beach,  relaxing in each other's arms as they'd do most nights as they slept in the real world. </p><p>At Higgs' words, Alyssa glanced at his profile as he stared out at the ocean, then lied her head on his shoulder as she replied, "I fully understand, Higgs."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alyssa's Beach had softer sand than Higgs' did but she didn't really care where they met up - as long as they met up.  In the sand again, Higgs was holding her close and he let out an long, frustrated sigh. </p><p>"Sam Fucking Porter Goddamned Bridges is gonna give me an ulcer one of these days, I swear it. I promise next time I see his ugly squinty greasy haired face I'll sic a giant cockroach BT on his ass." He was silent for a moment then hissed, "Cockroaches <em>never</em> die."</p><p>"Higgs..." Alyssa tried to calm him. "It's okay, love. Can you just - work around him or something? I mean the world will end no matter what, after all..."</p><p>"I'd prefer it end tomorrow."</p><p>"If it ended tomorrow, Higgs, we'd never have this or each other again. I don't want to lose you." Alyssa softly said, picking up some sand and letting it run through her fingers. </p><p>".... Sam's a cockroach too, now that I think on it. If a cockroach fights another cockroach and neither can die BUT they have to fight to the death, they'll have to keep fighting forever.....I am SO brilliant! Giant cockroach BT on Sam's future menu for sure."</p><p>Alyssa gently sighed, turned Higgs' face toward her own and whispered, "Let the roaches go, Monaghan, and show me Heaven. We don't have much time left before one of us wakes, so <em>please</em>. We could both do with some frustration relief."</p><p>"True," was Higgs' contrite response. "I'm sorry, darlin." </p><p>"Don't be. Venting is a relief also." Alyssa kissed him as he laid her back onto the sand. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"FUCKING HELL!!"</p><p>Higgs kicked the side of a dead BT on his beach and Alyssa winced at the godawful squelch sound the body made and she called out, "We are SO staying on my Beach when we die, Higgs. I want forever with you but NOT with rotten smelling, gross dead BT's everywhere. How do you <em>not</em> PUKE?!"</p><p>Higgs glanced over at Alyssa, looked at the dead BT, back to Alyssa, and his face softened. He jumped behind her and, wrapping his arms around her, jumped them to her Beach. "Here we go." He murmured as he gently kissed her while holding her close. "We'll just keep coming here. If I can figure out how to move my strand here..." </p><p>"We'll figure it out, love." Alyssa snuggled against him. "I'll run it by Heartman, see if it's possible without telling him any direct info.  Now," she gently touched Higgs' cheek. "What happened?" </p><p>The man let out a huff of air. "Fuckin Sam stopped my nuke. It was a great plan, too. Maybe I should just give up. Cut my way back so next time I die, I won't go back. Let em keep their fucked up world and fucked up ideals."</p><p>"....What about me, Higgs?" Alyssa quietly asked, a lump growing in her throat.</p><p>"Relax. You'll be here when you die, of course." Higgs assured her but paused when she shook her head.  </p><p>"Higgs. I do not want to go a moment without you there as well. But... <em>if</em> you decide to, please let me know. Please."</p><p>"I will, Angel. I will."</p><p>Scared now, Alyssa clung to Higgs and whispered, "But please try not to." </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"I love you." Higgs whispered as he looked down at Alyssa with tender eyes. "I love you more than I could ever put into words or show you." </p><p>"I love you too, Higgs Monaghan. You're my everything and I'm so glad to share life with you." </p><p>They shared a long kiss that, though passionate, had a hint of sorrow under the passion. Once their kiss ended, Alyssa studied him for a few minutes before whispering, "Higgs.... "</p><p>He gently took Alyssa's face in his hands, touched his forehead to hers and held her eyes deeply. "I did it, Alyssa. Earlier before you arrived."</p><p>Slowly her eyes grew wide and Higgs pulled her tight against him, holding her head against his own as both let their tears out. Alyssa felt Higgs' tears roll down his face, meet with her own and mix. "How the FUCK will I survive, Higgs?"</p><p>"You will, my Angel. You'll go day by day and when you die, I'll be waiting. I <em>promise</em>." </p><p>"I swear if you're not super careful out there, Higgs... Matter of fact, we're staying in your or my bunker. Gotta keep you alive at all cost."</p><p>"....have I ever told you how much I love you?"</p><p>"All the time and never enough, Higgs."</p><p>They held each other close, enjoying what they had. They both knew if he died next time, his beach would be closed to Alyssa until her time came and they rejoined again on her beach. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sam and Alyssa stood around Higgs' fallen, broken body, the former eager to get to an incinerator. "Destroy his body and he'll never come back. I'll take him over to the closest one in a few hours. Gotta get him outta his stupid outfit so I can carry him easier."</p><p>Alyssa, numb with shock and horror, only heard the last and spoke up. "I got him."</p><p>Sam looked up at her and gently said, "You couldn't carry h-"</p><p>"I got him, Sam. I.... need to make sure he's... he's gone. Let me have this. <em>Please</em>, Sam."</p><p>Sam studied Alyssa for a few moments and finally nodded. "Okay. I understand."</p><p>At her silent nod, he gently took her by her upper arm, causing her to meet his eyes and he stressed, "I <em>understand.  </em>More than you realize. Bring him to the incinerator that's rarely used. You'll have more time with him and.... yeah."</p><p>Sam then busied himself starting to help Alyssa wrap up Higgs' body, then he paused. "Won't he be too heavy with his gear on?"</p><p>"I got him, Sam."</p><p>"All right, Lyss." </p><p>Once Higgs' body was wrapped and onto Alyssa's carrier, she made to leave but stopped at Sam's gentle hold on her arm. She turned and was pulled into a long hug. </p><p>"Sam..?"</p><p>"Be safe....and....Im so sorry, Alyssa."</p><p>She moved back to look into his eyes. "W.. What?"</p><p>"I... knew you had something going on with Higgs. Kept it quiet for you. What did you see in him?"</p><p>It wasn't a "Fuck you're gross, ew, why?!" question but a "What did I, Sam, not see in him?" question.</p><p>Alyssa thought for a good minute then sadly smiled, tears in her eyes. "His pure need for love and acceptance. How real his love was. How real he was to and with me." </p><p>Sam was silent for a while before lying a hand on Higgs' shoulder. "I'm sorry I never was allowed to see that side of Higgs. But I'm... I'm glad you got to, Lyss. I'm glad he got to have that with you."</p><p>He gave Alyssa another hug and whispered, "See ya later."</p><p>Smiling a sad smile, Alyssa  gently kissed Sam's forehead, "Definitely, Sam. I'll see you later, also. And... Thank you." She moved back, "Thank you kindly."</p><p>Sam gave her his own sad smile, squeezed her shoulder and as they parted ways, Alyssa thought she saw a tear run down the other Porter's cheek. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Alyssa finally arrived at the barely used incinerator, she gently unwrapped Higgs, lied him onto the body holder above the cold burners, and him a long kiss on his once warm lips. She then took a deep breath and whispered, "See you soon, my love. My Higgs..."</p><p>Her violently shaking hand hovered over the power button before she hit it and the doors below Higgs opened, showing the red hot fires roaring to life. </p><p>She stood there for what felt like hours, staring at Higgs, took a deep hitching breath and raised her hand to press the final button that would lower Higgs' body down.</p><p>The sound of a trike quickly approaching made Alyssa pause and as it tore into the building, Alyssa heard Sam's voice, "Wait!"</p><p>She took a step away from the operational buttons and waited as he stopped and dismounted. He walked to her and handed her a small book she recognized instantly.</p><p>Looking from it to him, she asked, "How?"</p><p>"Doesn't matter." He thumbed to a page and pointed a part out to her and she only had to read a few words to know what it all had said. Her eyes met Sam's and he simply asked, "Are you positive, Lyss?"</p><p>She was quiet for a moment before bravely meeting Sam's eyes, "Yes, Sam. I'm beyond positive."</p><p>"Okay..." Sam replied softly, putting the book away and removing something else from the same pocket. "Lyss. I'm here for you. You won't be alone." </p><p>Alyssa gave him a tender smile. "You always know what the right thing to do is, Sam. I appreciate you so much. Thank you." She gave him a long hug which he returned. </p><p>"Thank you, Sam." </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"Higgs!" Alyssa called and within moments, she was tight in his arms as he kissed her deeply, not wanting to let her go.</p><p>"You're <em>here</em>.  It was so FUCKING lonely without you but I knew you'd make it. Felt like a thousand years since I last held you. How many years <em>have</em> passed since I left that fucked up world anyway?"</p><p>Alyssa was quiet for a moment, feeling Higgs' eyes on her and finally she answered." Four hours. Maybe five? "</p><p>" Four... HOURS? Oh my god, darlin, why?!"</p><p>" Had to protect you, and I did. And i couldn't be without you at all. "</p><p>Higgs held her face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes, "Tell me <em>everything</em> from the moment i died, Alyssa. Please."</p><p>She gave him a long kiss then took his hand, having them both sit in the sand. "Odd request, but, can you like.... DOOMS you usual clothing on, minus the masks?"</p><p>"... sure, darlin..." Higgs looked a little confused but did so and Alyssa sighed.</p><p>"You're beyond sexy in those, Higgs. But anyway, it'll make sense in a few." She said, then took his hand. "It was Sam and me. He was gonna take you to the incinerator but wanted to lose all your clothing to make you lighter to carry. I said I'd take you instead. Sam let me. I got to the incinerator and..." She wiped a tear away, "Sorry, still fresh. That was HELL, Higgs, you fucking terrorist. HELL. Anyway, I got to the incinerator and was about to push the button that lowers... You know. And Sam came. Sam... He... He knew."</p><p>"He knew what?" Higgs asked, looking very worried.</p><p>Alyssa met his eyes and continued. "He somehow knew you and I were together but never spoke a word, not even to me. But he also knew.... Also knew my plan."</p><p>"What plan? Alyssa..... what plan?"</p><p>"Sam came to me with a full body pain blocker that... put me out cold. I went down with you, Higgs."</p><p>"Oh....oh fuck..Sam DID that? .. I... You went.." </p><p>"I did. And also, Higgs?"</p><p>“Yeah?" His voice was faint.</p><p>“I kept your secret yours. You went down with everything you had on and with you. Exactly what you're wearing now."</p><p>Higgs stared at Alyssa, then a smile slowly formed. "You let me keep my secret even after death..." </p><p>"It wasn't anyone's to know while you were alive and I damned well made sure no one would know of it post death." </p><p>"I KNEW you could keep any secret, love. I KNEW it." Higgs was over the moon and he pulled Alyssa in for a deep, passionate kiss which spoke nothing less than pure love. </p><p>"Have I ever told you how much I love you, Alyssa?" He softly asked and Alyssa lovingly smiled. </p><p>"All the time and never enough, my Higgs." </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>..... What.<br/>You really thought you'd learn Higgs' secret?</p><p>come ON now.<br/>Promises are serious things.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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